I clear the air for all of us.

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!

Before you read the rest of this I'd just like to say something in all seriousness. I know that some people's parents read this, I know that family friends read this, and I know that my Dad has occasionally glanced at it, and told me that I use swearing as a comedic device too often and that I should limit it. I would advise respectfully that everyone mentioned above not read this post. Just bypass this one, and wait for another one. Please?

The rest of this post is FULL of swear words. Full like a people carrier heading out of Libya.

And the swear words are surrounded by opinions that will offend almost 80% to 90% of you. But I've warned you now, and I hope that you admit that I'm basically right. Here we go then, ready?

I let my body calm down and offered very contrite apologies to it every few hours, but my body is stubborn and refusing to play ball, so every run I go on, acute pain spreads through my legs and feet. The rest of me is OK, I've started a meticulous carb free diet, with raw veg and fish being the main staple, and the body is grateful, but the muscles still hate me.

As I ran one night I was nagged by a memory of a conversation I'd had with a friend when I got back form traveling. He'd turned to me and said,

"I wanted to read your blog, because I was quite shocked by some things you'd said to me before you left. I was shocked and quite offended to be honest, as I'd never have thought you'd say something like that"

"Really?" I replied, quite shocked that I could have offended this big fella,

"what did I say? and I'm sorry if it caused you offence but what did I say?"

"you said that all women were slags. all of them were fucking slags"

"Oh. That."

And when you take it out of context it does come across as being a little, how do you say? massively hateful towards women?

I hadn't explained to him the full theory, I hadn't gone into the full extent of how horrible and hateful I thought women were. How they do, say, and act in the most heinous way to each other, and mostly towards the men they claim to love. I just said it in passing and forgotten about it. But now maybe the time is right to explain why I think all women are slags.

Firstly, I don't mean that they, maybe I should start using the word you? in case you are a women, reader. I don't mean that you are all sexually promiscuous, and happy to drop your draws to anyone, anytime, irrespective of your boyfriend, fiance, or husband. Although a lot of you have haven't you? You slags. But I don't mean that. What I mean is that you act in a way that is reprehensible, you emotionally damage and hurt other people without a secondary thought. Fallen in love with a new man? Love him? Tell him so? see a future with him? lovely. Go and fuck his best mate while he's on a holiday with his Dad? course you do. Excellent. Well done. Same goes for the way you treat your mates. Really close are you? get on really well? almost like sisters? lovely. You need friends. Then you start slagging her off to the rest of your mates, then you start edging her out of your circle of friends? Why not. Lovely. well done.

I know a girl who has strung along a guy for a number of years, happily swinging from 'I want to marry you' to 'I just don't think that it's right' without even thinking once about the damage she's doing to his head, heart, and life. Or hers for that matter. That's a slag. not the men she's fucked in between, who cares about that? It's the disregard for basic humanity that I can't sit with, you love this man, he loves you, and yet you continue to flit from one to the other without a care or acknowledgment of the damage you're causing. The word slag is simply a umbrella term for all the horrible things that you do to people.

And it's everywhere, I've heard of certain acts that truly amaze me, levels of disgracefulness and heartlessness that would make Count Dracula want organize his own intervention and go into rehab. And I don't mean individuals, because I know that at least 4 of you are thinking that I'm talking about you. Which I'm not. Well not specifically, obviously you fall under the umbrella, but I don't think you're the worse one. Promise.

And I know you must think that I'm a hateful, embittered, lonely, sad, man? Who's life has been crushed by a small number of women, that has left me raging and furious to all womankind?

And you'd be dead wrong. I'm not sad that women treat people this way. I'm not angry at any women at all. I love women, they gave me life, and they hold the key to prosperity, health, and peace for all mankind in the future. Women are amazing, subtle, complex beings and I think you're all amazing, and when I call you a slag, I do it with a rye smile and a shake of the head. And do you know why?

Because all men are cunts.

We are all vacuous, stupid, callous, self centered, brainless, cheating, lying, cunts. We don't care if we have sex with you, then never ever see you again. We don't care, or even know if there's a problem between the two of us, because we're too busy playing computer games and watching TV, wondering if the 'bad mood' your in is going to stop us from having sex with you later that night. We're so stupid that we waste years of our lives getting wasted, instead of realizing that the future is not 2 grams of coke, 4 E's and staying awake till Sunday. The future is building on the deep, loving friendship we share, and turning the dreams that we had into reality. We're so fucking stupid that we should be grateful that you even speak to us, let alone let us make the sex with you.

It goes without saying that I am none of the things I mentioned above. I'm joking, I am a cunt. But nowhere near as bad as some of the things I've seen and heard. Men in relationships that they should be counting their lucky stars to be in, running off and fucking the nearest thing they can find when there girlfriends are away.

Men who simply cannot be on their own, and would rather string a girl along for a year, rather than go to the cinema on their own, even though they know they don't love them, and she does love him, and he just carries on regardless. Men who sleep with their wives friends without even the thought of the damage and pain it might cause to their children. Cunts basically.

Everyone is either a slag or a cunt, Thankfully you're all good people, and good people meet, and eventually bond with good people. And while we all have the ability to be a slag or cunt to one another, we know that we're not as bad as the rest of the people we don't like or love. And that's the key, at some point your loved one will have either-

Been a slag/cunt
Will be a slag/cunt
Is a slag/cunt

And it's about how you want to proceed with that, I'd rather go with the one that was a slag/cunt and move on from there.

This train of thought got me about 11 miles when I had to stop. I'd run too hard again and could feel blood coming out of my foot.

Ahem.....so there we are then. What I think when I run. I won't apologise though.